Over half of the information you provide others about the connection you have with them comes from your body language. Some body language provides positive information and some provides negative information. Positive body language says things like, "I am really interested in what you are saying." Negative body language says things like, "I don't believe anything you are saying - and I am bored besides!"
Although body language originates in the old brain limbic system and is done unconsciously, with training you can learn to minimize negative body language. Here are some negative body language cues to watch for and avoid.
- Avoid lack of eye contact. Force yourself to look others in the eye when greeting, talking, and especially when listening. It takes some skill, so learn from others who do it well.
- Avoid mumbling. That is an unconscious need to avoid being heard. Do speak up loudly and with confidence in what you have to say.
- Avoid poor pronunciation. Speak a bit slower and get it right. You will attract more people you like being around.
- Avoid extraneous body movements that do not positively support what you are saying. Finger drumming, scratching, twitching, and darting eyes around room all discredit what you are saying and your image as a person good to know.
- Avoid poor posture. Do stand tall and proud to be you and believe in what you are saying. Losers look like losers a block away. Look like a winner!
- Avoid hiding your hands and palms. Evasive people with secrets don't show their hands. (Women show their soft wrist underside to flirt.)
- Avoid closed body postures, like arms folded across chest. Do keep your posture open, except your legs. Crossed at the knee or ankle is O.K. (Depends a lot on the culture. For example, in Thailand don't cross your legs and point your toes at anyone!)
- Avoid touching face when speaking. Rubbing nose, eyes, ears, head, or neck shows doubt in what you are saying or hearing.
- Avoid an unblinking stare and the same facial expression. Blink normally and nod your head to show agreement, and that you are still alive and not bored to death. If you are bored, don't suffer. Go find someone interesting. Life is short. Make the most of it.
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