Now you should talk with her and determine if there are areas of common interests you two share. Don't try to impress her with lies! Women can tell 85% of the time when men are lying. Men can tell only 25% of the time when women are lying. Those are bad odds to play by, so be honest to yourself and to her. Skip the meaningless brags. Anyway, all your words are pretty meaningless at this point. She is mostly reading your body language and nonverbal cues about how you feel about yourself and her.
Your main goal now is to forget about how she looks naked, do data gathering, and to form a "relationship". The way you work at exploring her, and her interests, determines how close she is going to let you get. As you explore her, strive to build a supportive relationship where she feels safe, respected, valued, and protected. Don't be judgmental or critical of anything. How accepting and open you are will affect, to a large extent, how much she shares about herself. So be honest and open. But don't be stupid! Don't reveal your weaknesses or that you haven't slept with anyone for 2 years and hope she does charity sex!
Women communicate differently than men.
Women use an average of 20,000 communication words, sounds and gestures a day. Men only use about 7,000. It may seem like she is a 'chatterbox' but that is normal, especially if she is having a good time. Be aware that women talk about their problems as a way of relieving stress. She wants to be heard, not fixed by being offered advice and solutions. Men like to fix things but don't you try to fix her if she expresses her problems. Women like to express feelings. When she says she feels depressed (or whatever), listen and let her talk about it. DON'T try to fix her! That implies that there is something wrong with her but not with you. Just listen, show sincere concern and respect for what she has gone through. (Could you have done as well?)
As she speaks, look into her eyes but don't stare without blinking. Blink normally and never ever let your eyes go looking around the area at other women while talking with her. As she speaks, casually look at her individual features: hair, eye brows, eyelashes, cheeks, nose, lips, etc. That will keep you from going 'glassy eyed'. Stay with her face and forget her cleavage. She will notice that you really see her and are interested in exploring her. Women want to be seen. Her hormones will start flowing faster as she feels your eyes penetrating deep into her!
She is watching you more than listening.
Also be aware that women can read what is going on with you by your eye pupils (the center dark clear area that changes size). Women are wired unconsciously to use this cue to evaluate a man's response to them. Research proves that women's bodies respond to men's eye pupil tiny cues with blood flow decreasing or increasing in their sensitive female areas. Everyone's eye pupils dilate (open larger) when they are talking to someone they really like. When looking at someone uninteresting or disliked makes the pupils get small.
Much enlarged pupils can signal sexual interest! Watch her eye pupils. If they are large like these, you are doing great! Keep up the good work.
In general, men define themselves and their personal worth in the world mostly by their jobs or careers. On the other hand, women are more interested in establishing and understanding relationships. She wants to know three main things about you:
- Do you have enough common interests with her to have an engaging and rewarding relationship?
- What are your bad habits and are you dangerous? (This question comes from past bad relationship experiences. She is not going to make the same mistakes twice with men.)
- Are you anything close to the Alpha Male type she needs unconsciously to produce healthy offspring and protect her and the kids later? This is old brain DNA programming and has nothing to do with the reality of her life right now!
If you can appeal to her unconscious instinctual needs, her hormones will drive her to you and she won't even care about any other factors. Male high status, power, health, kindness and gentleness for a satisfying relationship are the big 'turn-on's for women in their old brain limbic system. These are the male qualities that drive women's hormones for mating. That need is in women's genes and guides their behavior unconsciously!
Also keep in mind that good-looking women already know how they look and they don't need you to keep telling them that they are 'beautiful'. Telling a woman she is beautiful is really saying, "You stimulate me and I want to have sex with you." Instead, be on the lookout for other personal characteristics that you like in her and truthfully compliment her on the things you like about her. Beauty is high on a male's list of desired female characteristics because, to the deep limbic system drives, beauty implies good health with no chromosome damage. A healthy female mate is a male's highest priority for best chance of reproducing his strongest offspring. This is all deep limbic system programming which explains why men of all ages prefer young, pretty females, and why women prefer strong, tall, gentle, supportive men (usually older) with good resources who can take care of them and their offspring.
Is she "in tune" with you?
When two people are disinterested or not well-attuned to each other, their bodies sit or stand at angles to each other. At the right, notice that the man is facing her directly, slightly leaning toward her and he has uncrossed his legs. On the other hand, she is turned slightly away and legs are crossed. Also she is sitting back as far as her chair allows.
When two people are feeling comfortable with each other, interested and well-attuned they will unconsciously re-organize how they are sitting in order to more directly face and mirror each other. Notice how these two at the right are mirroring each other. When there is strong mirroring, as one person changes position the other almost immediately unconsciously follows to the same position.
Here are more positive nonverbal body language cues, indicating that she likes you:
- She gives you a lot of eye contact - the more eye contact, the better she likes you. Frequent eye blinks are a good sign, too. (An unblinking stare is bad news. She is either bored with you or on drugs. Maybe both!)
- Her eye pupils are dilated (wide open). That could be her hormones kicking in already.
- If she is talking to you a lot, she likes you. (But if she's not talking much, you're in trouble.)
- Her arms are not folded across her chest. Arms open means she is feeling safe with you and does not need to have her protective barrier up.
- She is mirroring your body positions and moves.
- If she fluffs her hair while looking at you, or tosses her head and makes her hair fly around a bit, she is unconsciously sending pheromones (body chemicals) your way to stimulate more interest from you. It is probably already working!
- If her eyes watch your mouth as you talk, then she is probably hungry for you and wondering about how good you will taste. (Unless she is deaf and doing lip reading!)
This flirting and dating game has been around for millions of generations and is well perfected. Try to change the game and you will be alone a lot! One way to look at this flirting game is to understand that both of you are here only to keep the human species from becoming extinct! Maybe our only purpose is to keep our DNA alive and pass it on to a new generation! Anyway, enjoy it but don't take yourself too seriously. You are not her only choice as a mate on the planet.
OK, you are ready to move to Step 4 for getting closer.
| Step 1 | Step 2 |
Step 3 (You are here.) |
Go to Step 4. | Step 5 |