Get moving!
Your next move is to leave your safe space and go to her with good body language and an "opening line" to initiate verbal communication. Verbal communication will greatly close the physical and emotional space between you both. She wants you to approach her and she is waiting, so get moving! But be aware that as you walk toward her, she will learn a lot about you from your body language. Women are wired with this ability to read men's body language as they approach. They have perfected it over millions of generations! By the time you reach her, she will have decided to either receive you as a possible friend or reject you as a problem male.
Use the honest direct approach
So use your best body language and walk slowly and straight, with as little extraneous body movements as possible. Walk confidently and especially don't throw your pelvis around like you are proud of it. Walk casually with shoulders and arms down and relaxed. Move as if all your body weight was held up by a rope connected to the top of your head. You don't want to look heavy and weighted down with problems! Your body language should say, "I am a live, healthy and strong male. I am confident of myself. I am interested in you. I won't hurt you." Think these words as you approach her and they will help produce the right body language. She knows it takes courage to approach her because at any moment she could reject and embarrass you. She will admire, appreciate and reward your courage and confidence to be brave and take a risk! You will be demonstrating your Alpha Maleness and she will like that!As you walk toward her, don't look around the room! Look continuously at her eyes. (And don't check out her breasts. You can do that later.) Imagine that there are only you two in the room and imagine that you are saying and meaning: "I like you and I am eager to talk with you. Thank you for inviting me to meet you." As you approach her, give her a soft friendly smile that says, "I am happy to meet you." (That should be easy because you really are happy to meet her!) Imagine in your own mind that she will really enjoy meeting you. That will help you to smile more naturally and appealingly. Keep in mind that she came there to meet someone and here you are! She probably is really pleased that you have selected her above all the other women there. You are her hero! Walk up to her confidently and proudly!
Approach strongly and respectfully of her space.
As you approach her, don't blast into her personal space like you are attacking. Go slowly and gently. She is watching you like a hawk to see if you are going to try to go where you are not invited. (That is what men are frequently trying to do with women, so women are very alert to it and defensive on the subject.) Let her see that you only go as far as she invites you. And don't lean toward her. This is a subtle invasion of her space and she will notice it! Stand or sit erect with your gut sucked in, shoulders back, chest out and head held erect. You are the alpha male here, so look like it! She will really like that. When she feels she can trust you, she will send body language cues for you to come closer. (That body language is described in the 4th step.)
Make your "opening line" simple, direct, and honest.
Don't worry about creating a clever opening line. She knows that you want to talk to her so just say, "Hi! My name is (real name). May I talk with you?" (Notice it is "with you" not "to you" like she has to only listen.) Most likely her answer will be, "Yes." That makes the very first interaction easy for her to respond in a positive way! Your opening line is also very direct and honest so that early-on it tells her that you are honest. No games going on. That greatly reduces the stress at this moment for both of you. Besides, she is too busy reading your nonverbal body language to deal with any opening-line complex statements or questions from you. Just be honest and say that you would like to get to know her and for her to get to know you. At this point, you both have great expectations for wonderful things to happen. Enjoy the moment and continue your exciting adventure.
About shaking hands:
Whether to extend your hand for a handshake depends on the culture and environment. Recently in the U.S. it has become the custom in social situations for women to follow men's rules in handshaking. If appropriate here, extend your hand. This will make it clear that you consider women and men to be treated and respected equally. Smile and make eye contact as you shake her hand in a vertical position with a firm grip. (Don't squash her hand and fingers, and don't overdo it with big "pumping motions"! That is her arm and hand, not her pelvus!)
Getting her into your life.
So now you want to find out how interesting she is and if she has interests similar to yours. The talk should center around data gathering and finding common interests. What you are really interested in is if you two have a good chance for long term compatibility -- or at least some fun together for a short time.
When standing or sitting in front of her, be sure to face her squarely. This means your face, chest and hips are facing her directly. This is called 'mirroring' and facilitates a feeling of trust and friendliness. Also if possible, get in a position (like sitting) so that YOUR eyes are at an equal or slightly higher level than HERS. And one more precaution: never ever touch her unless she invites you, such as her extending her hand for a handshake. Be very respectful of her space and time. Keep in mind that she has the power here to reject you publicly and make you look like a predatory sleazeball, scumbag, scourge-of-the-earth. Be grateful if she doesn't!
A few warning words about some women's flirting game:
- Some women get such an ego boost from having men approach them that they spend a lot of time seeing how many men they can attract. They flirt and give sexy signals for a guy to approach them but then either reject him or don't pursue any meaningful connection with him. Their game is to see how many guys they can suck into their trap. (NOTE: These women do not look down with their unconscious "submissive" signal.) You will know if you have been sucked-in by a 'vampire woman' if she jerks you around with games of "I'm-hard-to-get-so-beg-for-it, Dog!" or "I-know-what-you-want-but-you-ain't-getting-any!". If you fell for her trap, escape as soon as you can. It is a sick game they play and you will save yourself a lot of agony by avoiding such [insert your own words].
- Also, some women consider the type of men approaching them to be a measure of their female attractiveness and personal worth. So you should look and act like a man any woman can be proud to be with. That "look" women unconsciously like most is the Alpha Male look: healthy, clean, strong, confident, protective and resourceful to get whatever he wants for his mate and offspring.
Find common ground fast.
Your next step is to communicate with her to gather data and determine if you both have some common ground that you can enjoyably share. Stay away from discussions of weather, news, politics and impersonal stuff. Finding and sharing common personal interests will bring you both closer together fast. But this verbal communication process is more difficult than it appears. This is the point at which the connection between you both can abruptly break off. This may not be news to you: women don't think like men! Therefore, to make the best impression on her, you need to talk differently to her than you do to your men friends.
[NOTE: There is an interesting article explaining why women speak differently than men linked from the main page. Study it!]
Summary so far in Step 2, Using Male Body Language in Flirting:
You detected her extended eye contact signalling that you could approach. Using your best Alpha Male body language you walked up to her. You approached confidently and displayed your best body language with good posture and gentle smile. She admired you taking a risk to approach her and that is the type of Alpha Maleness women like!
Your Opening Line was not a lame attempt to be clever. You simply introduced yourself and asked if you could talk with her. Simple, friendly and clear with no stupid tricks or games. That made it easy for her to answer with a positive statement. You also displayed confidence and good socialization. Good work! Good body language!
Your next goal is to explore her to find common interests you two can share. Keep the conversation lively, humorous and your attention focused on her. Keep your body language saying, "I am male. I am confident. I am interested in you. I won't hurt you."
OK, if she has not turned out to be a 'bimbo air-head', or worse, you are ready to move on to Step 3.
| Step 1 |
Step 2 (You are here.) |
Go to Step 3. | Step 4 | Step 5 |