You enter walking slow and tall, with good posture and no extra movements. The more extra movements you make when entering, the more your body language signals you are unsure of yourself and not in control. So walk in confidently and find somewhere to sit or stand. If standing, don't cross your arms across your chest. Instead, hook your thumbs in your front pockets with your shoulders back, head held erect and feet a little less than shoulder width apart. If seated, place some personal objects near you to claim and mark your territory: keys, drink, food, coins, cigarettes, lighter, or whatever you have. These personal possessions say, "I am here and this is my territory." The main thing you have to do first is to find your space, look cool and send the message, "I am here. I am male. This is my space. I am comfortable here."
Some background information on body language and this hunting and mating game:
Hunting and mating are strongly programmed in male DNA. This drive to reproduce our DNA by producing children is in every member of every species. None of us would be here today if our ancestors had not perfected the techniques for hunting and mating over millions of years. Men unconsciously still use the ancient tactics that our ancestors perfected for hunting and mating. Establishing territory with male body language is one instinctual behavior that is a part of ancient hunting and mating. So a guy 'on the hunt' today for a female naturally feels most comfortable if he symbolically uses body language to establish a space ('his territory') where he can see all the women present (i.e. the 'prey').
So the first step in searching for a mate is to go where the women are, and establish your territory. When in your 'territory', it is natural for you to display your dominance level, or 'Alpha Maleness' ('leader of the pack'). Men display their dominance level (Alpha Maleness) in how they dress, by their body language and by establishing their territory. This is done unconsciously for three reasons:
- To show that they are strong and are an Alpha Male.
- To scare other males off and minimize competition.
- To let the women see they are there 'hunting'.
Instinctually for survival reasons, females seek a male who is healthy and strong so he can protect her and the offspring. Therefore women seek the Alpha Male type when available.
Get serious and set the bait.
You can display a lot of your Alpha Maleness by body language. Stand or sit erect with chest out, head up, gut sucked in and arms relaxed and not flailing about. Take up extra space with your body language and territory. Don't look scared or like you are trying to be small and hide. Show that you are comfortable and confident with relaxed face and body. Move only when necessary and move slowly and deliberately. Picture in your mind that you have a big friendly energy field around your body that glows and everyone likes looking at it and is attracted to you.
Check-out the women.
From your territory, check-out all the women. Do it casually by looking around slowly. Don't be picky as you hunt for a female. That only narrows down your choices for meeting someone surprisingly special. (It also gives you an excuse to not approach her because you fear being rejected.) Slowly, confidently and casually scan across all the female faces and watch for a return eye contact a little longer than usual. Don't worry about them seeing you look at them. The women are there to be seen and they enjoy you looking at them, even if they are unavailable. Collectively, women spend $26 billion USD on makeup every year to make sure men do look at them! Don't waste their money. Look with pleasure! They love it!
Watch for her lingering eye contact with you.
In most cases the women may only very briefly make eye contact, then disconnect by looking off to the RIGHT or LEFT. They may even shift in their chair so their body is facing more away from you. That indicates 'no interest' right now. Don't take their disinterest personally. They may not need a man, so forget them. Keep searching for a woman who looks back at you slightly longer than usual, then disconnects by looking DOWN. A lingering look sends a powerful message of more than casual interest. Looking down is a natural flirting body language sign of submissiveness. In her DNA is a strong unconscious need for a male to help her complete her biological destiny: that is, to pass-on her DNA to offspring. Her looking down is DNA programming asking for your help! However, consciously she may think all she is looking for is a new friend to spend some time.
And those women who just give you a blank stare most likely are not wearing their glasses and don't even see you, so forget them. Most guys who feel the pain of countless rejections are usually going after women who have clearly signaled that they are not interested by their quick eye disconnect left or right. Don't be stupid and go charging after the good-looking woman who doesn't look you in the eye! You will only be setting yourself up for rejection and a big disappointment. Man, that stings!
What women look for in men:
Women in research studies reported that a man's looks (i.e his handsome characteristics) are low on their list of desired traits. There are many other male characteristics that are much more important to women. Here are some things that really turn on a woman's unconscious drives for a man:
- Alpha Male confidence and cool controlled smooth movements. Good clothes and good posture with head up, chest out and gut sucked in are a good start for instant recognition as an Alpha Male. We are talking about good male body language!
- Confident and comfortable in all social situations. This shows he can take care of himself, his mate and offspring. More male body language!
- Assertive, yet quiet, gentle and caring. EXAMPLE: Quietly, calmly claiming territory when entering here. That is male body language again.
- Resourceful and capable of providing well for his mate and offspring. Rich is not necessary as long as he can get what is needed for safety and comfort for his mate and offspring. Your body language, plus your clothes and possessions, are a strong statement about your ability to provide resources to a future family.
- Health, cleanliness, overall 'upkeep' of body for a long, healthy relationship. All part of good body language!
- A good sense of humor. This develops camaraderie and enlivens the relationship better than any other single characteristic. (OK, not everything is done with body language!)
When you see her body language cue, take action!
When you get a lingering eye contact, give a little smile and a very slight head nod and maintain the eye contact. Your strong and pleasant eye contact held on her shows her three things instantly:- You are definitely interested in her. She will like that!
- You are confident in yourself and you are not afraid of her. This will show your Alpha Maleness! She will like that too!
- Your gentle smile shows that you are not threatening and you won't hurt her.
OK, if you have found a woman who has responded to your Alpha Malenenss (or whatever she likes in your image) with a lingering eye contact and the ancient looking-down signal, it is time for you to take action. DO NOT break eye contact before she does. Make sure she is the one to break eye contact before you. Forget the rest of the people there and get ready to approach her. She is waiting for you! Now it is time to move on to Step 2 in meeting the perfect mate for a long term relationship, or maybe a new friend for a one-night adventure.
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Step 1 (You are here.) | Go to Step 2. | Step 3 | Step 4 | Step 5 |