Body language has proven to be our most reliable indicator of how others feel about us. For millions of generations, body language has been one of our best tools for successful survival and mating. Since humans learned to speak, we have switched to paying more attention to verbal messages and frequently ignore body language messages. This is unfortunate because all unconscious body language messages are accurate and truthful. Words often are not truthful. When two people are relating to each other, the body language messages reveal how each person really feels about the other from minute to minute.
Body language comes from reflex responses deep in the limbic system part of the old brain. Most unconscious body language deals with safety, survival and passing-on our genes to future generations (i.e. getting sex). Habitual body language that worked for survival and mating has been perfected and repeated for millions of generations. Women today are still using much of the same body language to attract men that their ancient ancestors used. (And men still fall for women's tricks!)
So here are the basic facts concerning female body language:
- Both women and men have inherited very strong desires to survive and pass-on their genes to their offspring by having sex.
- They can't do it alone so they must come together. (Pun intended!)
- A woman must expend great time and energy to give birth and raise a child. To do this best she needs to attract a man to help her get pregnant and afterward to help raise the offspring. (Recently in our history, the importance of the man has been diminished in some societies where women can function independently. Even the act of impregnation can be done in the lab by a woman doctor, but the sperm must still come from a man. Men are not totally obsolete, yet!)
- Women want to have a lot of choices in men so they can get the best one. 'Best' means the male who can help her make the healthiest babies then protect and support her and the children for long survival.
- Women want to have choices in men for a mate, so flirting and dating provides that opportunity. Women have inherited proven successful body language flirting techniques in their DNA to attract many men for more and better choices.
- Female body language to attract males primarily displays this message: "I am a healthy female and you may approach me."
- Men must compete with other men for a woman's acceptance. Therefore men must 'court' a woman in order to get accepted as a mate.
- In nearly all the species the ultimate decision for which male is accepted to be the offspring's father is the decision of the female.
- The male's body language is one of the primary factors guiding the female's choice of mate.
Female Body Language Commonly Used in Flirting:
[Shown at right]
Entwining her legs draws attention to being female. Men can't do this one because their hips are too narrow. However, in this case it indicates she is very protective and closed to sexual advances from men. Her tight leg muscles are appealing to a man but are his challenge to untangle.
The most common way women flirt to attract a man's attention is preening. Tossing their hair around, stroking and combing it, and generally moving it away from face and shoulders to expose soft bare skin are strong signals that they are open to being approached by men.
Another great preening move men enjoy watching is for a woman to do things calling attention to her mouth. Licking her lips, putting on lipstick, or eating something slowly with obvious great pleasure is stimulating to men. Just watching her mouth makes men hungry for the smell and taste of all of her stimulating and delicious pheromones.
Slowly crossing or uncrossing her legs while gently stroking her thigh is unmistakable flirting body language. Another great move is for her to adjust clothing with loosening, opening or exposing movements to call attention to her body. If she is clever, she exposes some bare skin in the process. This is where the guy accidentally misses his mouth and pours his drink in his lap while trying 'not to look'.
[Shown at right]
When sitting with legs crossed, bouncing her foot back and forth rhythmically while dangling one shoe off her toe signals much more than, "My foot is tired and I want to go to bed!"
When a woman rubs her neck or head with one hand, while talking to a man, it raises her breast toward his face and makes him fail to hear every word she is saying. If she is really a vixen, she will expose her armpit (which, may be even shaved and 'nude'). This will blast her pheromones out to him and make his brain 'scramble'. The woman can forget about getting any intelligent conversation from him after this move!
While chatting with a man, if she slowly strokes a smooth, round, (and preferably wet) object (such as her drink glass) she will be indirectly and strongly teasing and stimulating him. She is sending him a message that if he is good to her, maybe he will be rewarded. She knows what he likes and knows how to make him squirm, uncross his legs and open them to her. When he does this he is sending a body language signal to her that she can have his 'goodies' anytime she is ready.
Female flirting body language is generally movements of opening clothing and exposing bare skin or touching her hair. Flirting female body language to attract a man is always sexual because women know what men want. The message in female flirting body language is this: "I am female, healthy, sexual, open to you coming closer and I won't resist." Her smile says, "I like you and I won't hurt you."
Researchers have identified that both men and women use five steps for finding a mate.
See an example of the five female steps in flirting, dating and mating.
See an example of the five male steps in flirting, dating and mating.