He will kiss you when he feels safe and he thinks that you will accept it. He knows that a kiss is "upper level persuasion for a lower level invasion". A kiss is his way of stimulating you for even more action. And of course it stimulates his body, too! This type of stimulation releases a flood of fantastic feeling hormones into all areas of the body.
But it takes courage for him to kiss you. He fears you may not want that, or that he will miss your mouth and suck your nose, or do something really stupid and embarrassing. He is wondering how you like it? Dry or wet? All kinds of thoughts and fears are going through his brain as he plots his strategy. This uncertainty gives him a surge of adrenaline and further revs up his body for action. The excitement of the chase after you (or any woman) is much like the same adrenaline surge in hunting. That is familiar and well-travelled territory to his old brain limbic system. The hormones that are released during the chase make his body excited, but his brain does not work really well under this kind of pressure. He is operating mostly on ancient instincts programmed in his DNA.
At this point fear of rejection is the only thing delaying him. To help him overcome his fear to initiate the kiss, his old brain limbic system will blast out even more hormones that will heighten desire and give him additional courage to take the risk. If you are ready for his kiss, you can help him with your proper body language: Move closer and look into his eyes. As you look deeply into his eye pupils, let your face and body relax as if you were 'melting'. Especially concentrate on letting the muscles around your eyes and mouth completely relax. This sends a body language signal that you are not going to resist him. You should look passive and receptive. (Incidentally, this 'melting face' trick (plus wet lips) is used by the top models to appear most appealing and sexy in their photos.)
If he is a little slow to catch your body language signals, lean more toward him to give him a whiff of your body pheromones. The smell of your hair will make his breathing much deeper, as he tries to breath-in more of your delightfully stimulating odors. Clean fresh sweat is the traditional ancient man-trapper, so don't fear the run-off after some fast dances. That is nature's gift to you and him.
His eyes will be drinking in the images of your moist skin, soft moist lips and your soft clean hair. You will look delicious to him and make him salivate! Don't try to talk to him now. His brain is racing like a car's engine going full speed, but with the gears still in 'neutral'. He wants to race to the finish line but at the same time is trying to appear cool and casual while he tries to figure out if you are really ready.
His first kiss planted on your lips (if his aim is good) is truly one of the best free thrills in nature. A surge of hormones will blast out of his brain to all parts of his body, gearing him up for more action. If it is one of those deep kisses, then he is going to receive some of your hormones that will make him dizzy and something in his belly will turn flips. His limbic system, which controls bodily functions like breathing, pulse, perspiration, etc., will kick in to overdrive. You will even look, taste, smell, sound and feel better to him, because some of his brain chemicals have changed his perception of reality. That is called 'love' by most people - and 'lust' by others.
And of course you will be going through your own fantastic range of good feelings as your brain pumps out hormones to all areas of your body. However, in women there is much more control from the new-brain frontal lobes to modulate the release of the hormones. This cognitive control is based on the realities of the situation and leans toward rational survival over the long term. While you are considering the long term consequences of getting too close, he is only picturing you naked and imagining how good you will smell, taste, and feel. "Long term" to him is 30 minutes. To women, "long term" is the period of pregnancy and raising the kids. Years!
Where does it go from here?
In the animal world, the mating and exchange of genes takes place about here in this 5 step flirting and mating process. However, humans in power throughout history have complicated the final mating process with numerous different rules about how this should be done. Different cultures and religions have tried to control how the mating is done for the maximum benefit to the whole tribe, community, or culture. Often, the cultural 'rules' violate all natural inclinations and destroy the ultimate beauty of the mating experience. These teachings have resulted in many people carrying loads of guilt, shame and confusion about enjoying their own bodies, let alone someone else's. Therefore the actual mating experience is highly influenced by each person's background, family training, education, religion and 'street lessons'. For many women, the message from childhood has been that boys and men should not ever touch them. Many women still carry that message and still can not enjoy the most loving caress, let alone enjoy their own raw hungry desire for much more.
The male at this point is ready to go as quickly as possible to the final phase of this mating process. He has 100 million sperm boiling to get out. Women generally have many more reasons for NOT doing 'it' than men can understand or appreciate. So when women put on the brakes to prevent pregnancy (or whatever), men can not understand why and don't want to hear why! With his testosterone running amuck at this point, anger and aggression come easily. Fortunately, in humans there are higher levels of intelligence in the newer cognitive brain layers that can negotiate out of this conflict.
If you are not going through with what he wants (i.e. 'sex'), DISCUSS what you want at this point in the relationship. Be sure to make it clear what you really do desire. Negotiate what your desire is for future connections - if there are going to be any.
Generally, in most cultures, at this early point in this beginning relationship the two people agree that they want to explore each other more. The process that humans have evolved for further exploration is called 'dating'. That means more outings together and further exchange of talk and general enjoyment of being close and compatible. Whether or not the two participate in sex depends primarily on the female's desires and acceptance of the guy. That is her right and it is nature's way for millions of generations. What she has observed in him so far helps determine her decision. Much to every man's chagrin, males must court and let the female select her mate based on her criteria.
The game can change.
Women have found it necessary to display their femaleness (i.e. signs of youth, health and fertility) to get attention from men. Nothing else works as well! To most men her display implies she is available and ready for mating -- but that is not true! Women do not jump quickly and easily into this final mating step. Women have practical considerations such as how to support the offspring and the male's relationship to her afterwards.
So this Step 5 and the actual final mating act is very complicated for humans. Animals have it much easier! They don't talk about it. They just do it! Of course there are some humans that act like animals, but they probably never have meaningful and loving relationships.
If you got to Step 5 with him, your best move at this point is to talk honestly about where and how you go from here. What you want and what he wants is really important to clarify if you are to create a rich and lasting relationship. If you two can't come to an agreement about what you will give and want in return, then it is best to abandon ship while you can still swim away.
If you do want to go all the way with him in this Step 5, make that clear. Men are terrible mind readers, so don't sit around and expect them to know what you are wanting, needing, or hoping for. Men's first priority (and often their only priority!) is to get rid of their 'load'. After an intense release of energy, men need to rest and probably will go to sleep. The sad truth is that you won't look, feel, sound, or taste as good to him after his intense biological drive has been satisfied. Don't be surprised to see a mood change in him (i.e. not so 'friendly'), unless he has been well socialized. There are uncountable disappointments for many women at this point in the relationship. They do not understand the realities of this ancient game of flirting and mating programmed in men at the DNA level.
If you are out just for some physical pleasure with no commitment, do yourself a favor and teach him how to be a good lover. Show him how your body works and what you like. Don't assume he knows! Most men don't have a clue (and don't care) how a woman's body works. A man won't ask questions when driving and lost, so do you think he will ask directions when trying to find your sensitive body parts in the dark? Duh, of course not! So help him give you what you want. Your effort may be well worth it in the long run!
Men are natural hunters and explorers and they especially like to chase, capture and explore women. You are unique and different from all other women. So now it is up to you to let him discover what an interesting, exciting and absolutely fantastic woman you are!
Summary so far in Step 5, Using Female Body Language in Flirting and Dating:
Biologically speaking, the final phase of this relationship has only one successful outcome to satisfy the old brain limbic systems of both the female and the male: To produce healthy offspring with DNA from each. However, humans with their new brain cognitive skills and creativity, have developed many possible outcomes. Every tribe, culture and religion has gotten into the act and prescribed what is acceptable behavior for the male and female. Some form of commitment for stability and care of the offspring is the usual accepted behavior, such as marriage. Even many animals commit to a pair-bond for life and joint raising of the offspring. At this point in our evolutionary development this system of pair-bonding (with or without legal documents) seems to work for both parents and offspring.
At least on the surface, the dating (and maybe mating) can be great fun and an important growth process for both the male and female. Enjoy it!
PICTURES of body language in flirting steps.
| Step 1 | Step 2 | Step 3 | Step 4 |
Step 5 (You are here.) |