Take a giant flirting step forward.
At this point in the connection you want to come emotionally and physically closer, so here is what you are going to do. You may even do it totally unconsciously because it is wired into your DNA as a flirting cue when you want to get closer to a male. What you will do in Step 4 is very subtle, so make sure you do it right.
It will appear casual, unpremeditated and 'accidental' rather than 'serious'. It may be a touch on the arm as you laugh at something he said, or it may be a pat on the back as a symbolic gesture of 'good job' as he tells a joke. In any case it is not accidental! Your strong DNA flirting program is saying, "I feel safe with you and I want you to come emotionally and physically closer." And consciously, or perhaps totally unconsciously, you will be looking and waiting for a reply to your daring nonverbal flirting body language message.
Watch how his body language replies to your message.
His response should be to accept your touch by an immediate slight move or friendly gesture toward you and a return touch. Moving away or not replying with a touch (ignoring it) would indicate that he is not ready to come closer, is afraid of you, or just plain 'dense' and slow in this mating game. His positive response (the one you are looking for) should be to return your touch with an equal touch. His response should be precise yet appear ever so casual. To increase the emotional connection with you he must reply in a very short time (usually in less than several minutes) with an equally casual touch, never stronger than yours. This nonverbal flirting body language implies an equality of interest and a feeling of safety. Your touch should assure him that you let down your defenses and have accepted him as being safe and interesting enough to let him get emotionally and physically closer.
You understand well that the quality of his touch is very revealing. Even more revealing than his body language! When you both do this touch and return touch correctly, your bodies will be carrying on a powerful body language conversation that says, "I like and trust you and I want you to come closer." This body language is often done completely unconsciously, because it is instinctual behavior carried in our DNA.
Some background information on this mating game
Touching is a touchy subject! It is highly programmed into our old mammalian brain core and limbic system which comes from our animal ancestors even farther back than vertebrates. Touch encodes a primordial sense of closeness. The way a touch is given communicates easily and instantly, because the touch sensors deliver the message directly to many parts of the brain. Tactile messages are some of the brain's most real and reliable forms of relating to others. Touch is one of the most important and enjoyable activities in flirting and dating. You can learn a great deal from the first physical contact with a new acquaintance. His touch actually probes beneath casual words to true feelings. Touching another's body is the evolutionary true test of the relationship. Since there are so many tactile nerve sensors connected directly to the brain, touching is one of the most meaningful and pleasurable experiences shared between two people.
Touching is great fun
Your first casual touch, followed immediately by his proper reply, opens the door for both of you to come emotionally and physically closer for a lot more fun! This moment is a giant leap forward in the relationship. The natural course of action from now on is to increase the frequency and quality of the touch as you explore each other.
Women naturally have a quality touch, for they are programmed to nurture their offspring with tenderness and love. Men are more wired to throw spears, bust rocks and club animals or each other. A man's touch may be a bit crude and rough compared to a female's touch. Since the body's touch sensors are wired to so many parts of the brain, especially to the old brain limbic system, basic instincts are aroused with even a casual touch. Your touch (actually any female touch) probably is going to cause a moment of confusion in him. His old brain limbic system is going to interpret your touch message the way he WANTS to hear it: "Wow! Here is a female to help me spread my DNA genes around right now!" At the same time his newer brain cognitive areas are hopefully understanding and controlling the older basic instincts. Therefore, his response to your touch will say much about how socialized he is. A male may even ignore the touch because he is confused by the conflicting messages in both his old and new brain areas and, therefore, he does not know what to do. You may need to speak directly to his newer brain cognitive areas and say clearly what it is you want from him!
Men are mono-taskers and women are multi-taskers.
If you have been flirting and dating for a long time, you probably think that most men are basically just meat and bones machines with very simple ancient software! That is almost true, it appears. Recent research with fMRI scans of both men's and women's brains reveal that men operate mentally with much simpler thought processes. Women's brain scans reveal that they are much more complex and sensitive to the world and people around them.
At the left is a comical model showing the possible difference between a man (top box with only ON/OFF switch) and a woman (bottom box).
Summary so far in Step 4, Using Female Body Language in Flirting and Dating:
You have both become closer physically and emotionally by talking and discovering common interests. After a period of close observation of his personal appearance, manners, and body language you decide to let him get even closer. You touch him discreetly and gently, then wait for a similar touch in return. This discreet exchange of touching indicates both of you now understand it is alright to get even closer physically and emotionally. The way is open now for more touching in Step 5.
| Step 1 | Step 2 | Step 3 |
Step 4 (You are here.) |
Go to Step 5. |