You may be unaware that you have speech habits which not only fail to inspire confidence and admiration in your listeners, but actually leave a bad impression. People form strong opinions about others based on how their voice sounds and on their speech patterns. For example, a high squeaky voice can indicate anxiety and does not inspire confidence. A low voice indicates low stress and confidence. Something you should always watch for is how people react when you are speaking to them. Are they intent on what you say or do their eyes get 'glassy' and do they yawn?
Here are some rules that you may want to use to ensure good communication with others:
- A low and slow voice commands attention and respect more than a fast squeaky voice. An evening of low and slow talk is an aphrodisiac.
- Fast speech with sloppy pronunciation implies poor education and 'low class'.
- Good pronunciation requires slightly slower speech but implies intelligence, education and 'high class'. It attracts people you will love being around.
- Self-negating statements (Like: "I can never remember things like that.") cause the listener to lose confidence in you. People don't want to be around a loser.
- A good vocabulary implies intelligence, education, and high class. Make them carry a dictionary!
- Listening is more important than actually speaking. You will learn more! Practice being a good attentive listener and people will say you are a brilliant conversationalist.
Here are some rules that especially apply when you are flirting:
- When you agree with what he/she says, give a little head nod and a verbal 'uh huh'. He/she will sense your interest and really appreciate that.
- Watch the speaker's head movements. When speakers expect you to reply, they will unconsciously move their head slightly to indicate that it is your turn to speak. Also there will be a rise in the speaker's voice pitch. A similar rise also comes at the end of questions. You will show respect, and be appreciated, when you watch for a head movement and slight rise in pitch before you respond. Don't start talking before you get the signal he or she is done speaking!
- When you speak, let your voice roll out under control, confident and relaxed. This attracts people who will admire you.
- When replying to another speaker, respond with a positive and supportive statement to what they just said. "Yes, I like bananas, too!" This attracts people who will appreciate and admire you.
- Validate them and their ideas - even if you don't agree. If you strongly disagree, move on to another subject. You can't change them and no need to lose a friend here.
- When another speaker drops his or her voice at the end of a statement they are pretty well satisfied with what they said and ready to let it go. Don't you keep harping on that subject.
- If a speaker holds their voice constant pitch at the end of a statement (eyes and hands stay as they are) they have more to say on that subject. Stand by, listen, and wait for more! Don't jump in on top of their words with your own comments until they are done speaking.
- When you do speak, talk slowly and confidently. This will give you a little more time to form better responses and to say each word more precisely. This will improve your image as an educated, intelligent, and confident person. (You really are a masterwork in progress.)
Here is a hint for men only:
A deep voice is indicative of high testosterone. The male voice is normally 130 to 145 Hz (cycles/second). The female's is 230 to 255 Hz. Try to relax and let your voice be naturally deep so your testosterone is evident. Her DNA programming will unconsciously make her more attracted to you with your deep voice! Talking to her all evening in a deep voice is a real "turn-on."
Hints for everyone:
- Keep your statements short. Give the other person a chance to reply and you won't be a bore.
- Minimize 'I' and 'you'. Use 'we', 'our', and 'us' abundantly in your discussions. Form a team right away.
- Use plenty of facial expressions and hand gestures. Show that you are 'alive'. Let your 'kid' come out and have fun with the discussion.
- Don't use a lot of these 'fillers' in your statements such as, "You know?" or "You know what I mean?". They don't know what you mean until you say it clearly!
- Speak loud enough to be heard, especially in noisy environments and to older people. (It is OK to flirt with older people. Charity work is good karma.)
- You may use laughter as punctuation to your statements but use it by itself and not when you are still saying the words. That is, don't mix the two so that the words are lost. Every word is a jewel so don't hide or lose any.
- Do let your sense of humor shine and make it fun for people to be with you. Life is short so make it fun for them and yourself.
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