Over the past 10,000 years we "modern humans" have learned to live together in social groups and communities. To minimize overt sexual competition, rules and codes of conduct for flirting, finding a mate, and producing offspring were developed. Violation of these customary rules - and even minor deviations in some cultures - often bring serious severe criticism and consequences. Acceptable behavior for getting sex and producing offspring in each culture is taught subtly and forcefully. Violators soon learn there is a price to pay for deviation from the rules. In spite of all the social pressure to not reveal our strong sexual urges publicly, our desires are still often revealed in our body language.
For example, at the right is one example of male posture emphasizing sexuality. When casually standing like this, he will usually directly face the female who appeals to him. Notice that the fingers all point to 'you-know-what-is-important and ready to go to work' for this guy. Of course males claim that this is just a comfortable way to stand.
Yah, right!
Here at the right is one way women call attention to their sexuality. It is quite obvious that this woman is unconsciously advertising to the world that she is a healthy female. This is very deep, old brain limbic system-driven body language. This part of the brain functions in very basic ways driving us to find a mate. This female body language could not be more clear and simple! "My womb is empty and available."
Nearly everyone does 'it'.
All vertebrates, from reptiles to primates and even humans, reproduce by the male internally fertilizing the female. It takes a relatively short time for a male to actually pass on his genes to the female. Male monkeys get the job done with just a few thrusts in as little as 8 seconds, and seldom longer than 20 seconds. Thankfully, during the approximately 5 million years since humans split off from the chimpanzees we male humans have learned to take our time and enjoy our unique mating process longer than our primate ancestors. At least some guys have.
Perhaps it is regrettable for older men that in human evolutionary development men have not retained the bone that clicks into place to hold a perfectly erect working tool, such as the monkeys and apes have. We share 98.5 per cent of the same DNA with chimps, but regrettably not that particular bone gene!
Nearly every animal and human male has to expend much time and effort in convincing the female to accept him. This has forced males to initiate mating actions through a process called 'courtship'. Animal courtship is done in many ways. Some male birds, whales and gibbon 'sing'. Some birds dance or build special nests for their chosen female. Human courtship is done by flirting and dating. This courting ritual closes the physical gap and emotional distance so two people can become a mating pair. Nature's ultimate purpose for the pair is to produce offspring or to have some great fun practicing!
Flirting body language is essential in courtship.
- In each species there are a set of standard courting rituals that males use to get the attention and acceptance from a female. There are some standard 'turn-ons' for women, but each woman has her own preferences for which specific courting actions excite her most. Therefore, the man has to experiment and try different things to see what pleases and excites her most.
- A female may have several males courting her, so she gets to pick the best one.
- In nearly every species the female's best choice male has the characteristics that will produce the strongest and healthiest offspring. Also she is looking for a mate who will protect her and the offspring to ensure their survival. The male's physical condition, body language, and behavior are primary factors the female uses to pick her mate.
Why men and women are different. (Surprise!)
Females generally want the same good feelings that the males want. However, females pay a huge physical price if they get pregnant. Therefore most females are hesitant to take in every male that comes along. In the long run this has been good for the species because a female's wise choice of a mate gives the best chance to produce healthy offspring that survive.
On the other hand, males generally have little investment and risk after a quick roll in the hay. They can come and go without further commitments. Males are driven by millions of years of their ancestors' genes compelling them to breed frequently in order to have the best chance for offspring bearing their genes. Here lies the big difference between men and women:
- Men want QUANTITY: lots of sex and lots of women. (If they can't get it, they will dream they have it.)
- Women want a QUALITY RELATIONSHIP: one guy who will stick around and take care of her and the kids.
Important summary:
Male and female body language for flirting, dating and mating.
The desire to find a mate and produce offspring is the most powerful biological drive after the survival drive. Human societies have established acceptable rules on how this mating drive can be satisfied. Most simply stated: men must court and women will select.
Female body language is used to attract or reject males. The male's body language gives the female decision-making information and allows her time and opportunity to select the most desirable male to be the father of her offspring.
In most species, females accept the courting male who will produce the healthiest offspring, plus protect and care for the family. As unromantic as this sounds, it all boils down to keeping the species from becoming extinct by making more healthy babies.
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