Over the past 10,000 years we "modern humans" have learned to live together in social groups and communities. Rules and codes of conduct for flirting, finding a mate, and producing offspring were developed to minimize overt sexual competition. Violation of these customary rules - and even minor deviations from the rules in some cultures - often bring serious severe criticism and consequences. Acceptable behavior for getting sex and producing offspring in each culture is taught subtly and forcefully. Violators soon learn there is a price to pay for deviation from the local rules. In spite of all the social pressure to not publicly reveal our strong sexual urges, our desires are still often revealed in our unconscious body language.
For example, at the right is one example of a man's posture emphasizing sexuality. When casually standing like this, he will usually directly face the woman who appeals to him. Notice that the fingers all point to 'you-know-what-is-important' to this guy: Sex! Of course guys claim that this is just a comfortable way to stand.
Yah, right!
Here at the right is one way women call attention to their sexuality with their body language. It is quite obvious that this woman is unconsciously advertising to the world that she is a healthy woman. This woman's body language could not be more clear and simple! "My womb is empty and available." This is very deep, old brain limbic system-driven body language. This old part of the brain functions in very basic ways always driving us to find a mate.
Nearly everyone does 'it'.
All vertebrates, from reptiles to primates and even humans, reproduce by the male internally fertilizing the female. It takes a relatively short time for a male to actually pass on his genes to the female. Male monkeys get the job done with just a few thrusts in as little as 8 seconds, and seldom longer than 20 seconds. Thankfully, during the approximately 5 million years since humans split off from the chimpanzees male humans have learned to take more time and enjoy the unique mating process longer than our primate ancestors. At least some guys have learned to take more time to get the job done.
Perhaps it is regrettable for older men that in human evolutionary development men have not retained the bone that clicks into place to hold a perfectly erect working tool, such as the monkeys and apes have. Humans share 98.5 per cent of the same DNA with chimps, but regrettably men do not still have that particular bone gene!
Nearly every animal and human male has to expend much time and effort in convincing the female to accept him and his sperm. This has forced males to initiate mating actions through a process called 'courtship'. Animal courtship is done in many ways. Some male birds, whales and gibbon 'sing'. Some birds dance or build special nests to attract a female. Human courtship is done by flirting and dating. This courting ritual closes the physical gap and emotional distance so two people can become a mating pair. Nature's ultimate purpose for the pair is to produce offspring or to have some great fun practicing!
Flirting body language is essential in courtship. Here are some of the basic rules in courtship.
- The drive to find a mate is very powerful in nearly every species. (Some plants and plantlike organisms are examples of asexual reproduction that do not need two parents.) The natural and strong drive in all species is to reproduce offspring with one's own DNA.
- At puberty, young men and women start experimenting and practicing how to attract prospective mates. Each looks to others in their culture to learn what is acceptable behavior. Movies and TV offer examples of behavior but they might not be acceptable in all cultures. The learning process for young people has many disappointments as well as exhilarating surprises.
- Women learn at an early age that men are attracted to signs of youthfulness, good health, and sexual fertility (read "sexy"). Men display their strength (ability to protect family) and potential to provide resources for a family. In todays' world that is monetary income or "wealth".
- Generally, women want several men courting so they can pick the best one. In nearly every species the female's best choice male has the characteristics that will produce the strongest and healthiest offspring as well as protect her and the offspring to ensure their survival. In many species the male's physical condition, body language, and behavior are primary factors the female uses to pick her mate for breeding. Males do the courting and females do the selecting, is the way mate selection works in many species including most humans.
Why men and women are different. (Surprise!)
Women generally want the same good feelings that the men want. However, women pay a huge physical price if they get pregnant. Therefore most women are hesitant to take in every man that comes along. In the long run this has been good for the species because a woman's wise choice of a mate gives the best chance to produce healthy offspring that survive.
On the other hand, men generally have little investment and risk after a quick roll in the hay. They can come and go without further commitments. Men are driven by millions of years of their ancestors' genes compelling them to breed frequently and with numerous women in order to have the best chance for offspring bearing their genes. Here lies the big difference between men and women:
- Women want a QUALITY RELATIONSHIP with one man who will stick around and take care of her and the kids after the fun is over.
- Men want QUANTITY: lots of sex and with lots of women! (If they can't get it, they will fantasize they have it.)
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