When a person displays domineering body language he or she is using an indirect form of aggression in which no weapon is used or any show of weapons-to-be-used is made. But they are indicating to everyone there that they are a threat and should not be challenged. Dominance displays aim at disarming and discouraging opponents before the opponent can get the upper hand. Dominant body language is subtly hostile and is intended to place the opponent into a no-win position where they must make one of these choices:
- They could withdraw and leave but would thereby acknowledge the superiority of the displaying aggressor.
- They could counter-display (that is escalation for a possible fight) or attack directly, but that would possibly result in injury and further loss of status.
- They could acknowledge the superiority of the other and submit to be the underling. Submission is shown largely by body language. This is the most common choice for people living in modern societies and it is very evident in body language of most people.
The body language cues that the dominant person uses are these:
- Directs and controls the conversation.
- Freely asks questions and expects a response back but gives little or no self-disclosure.
- Stands with hands on hips, elbows out to sides. Takes up more personal space that way and wants to look bigger.
- Stands or sits taller than others on purpose.
- Freely interrupts others speaking. (Others don't interrupt.)
- Long pause when answering a door knock, or replying to someone. Makes others wait.
- Freely touches others. (Others don't touch back.)
- Will stare at others and demand attention. (Others don't do the same back.)
- Never breaks eye contact first. Others usually break eye contact first by looking down, signifying submission.
- Occupies a bigger personal space and crowds others on purpose.
- Takes the lead purposefully when walking and going through doors.
- While sitting, will put hands behind head, put feet on desk, remove eye glasses and put ear-piece in mouth, or turn chair away from others and stare out window.
- If not well socialized, will eat and talk at same time while others can't eat.
Displaying male dominance is a major part of the flirting and dating scene. Historically, women need a mate who can protect her and the offspring as well as provide for them until they can fend for themselves. This is the way it has been for millions of generations although it is not necessarily true in developed countries in the past few decades. Nevertheless, women have in their genes mate selection criteria that they use to look for the best mate available. One main thing women seek is a male with Alpha Male dominance characteristics.
Men playing the flirting game display their Alpha Maleness in subtle ways. For example, men stake out their territory when they are hunting a woman. Men mark their territory by stretching out their arms and legs to take up more room, plus set out their personal positions on a table or bar: car keys, drink, and coins. ( This is better than peeing on the furniture like some animals do to mark their territory!)
This "male hunting territory establishment" is a part of men's DNA when seeking females for two reasons: (1) To scare off other males and (2) to show the females they are strong and are an Alpha Male (Leader of the Pack).
Often men go in pairs or a group where women hang out to be picked up. One of the men will be the Alpha Male and the others will be subtly subordinate - and they all know the rules: Alpha Man leads the action in searching for any available woman. It is also understood by all the group that Alpha Man gets the first choice in women.
The more the place is socialized ("high class" vs. "low class"), the more subtle are the men's clues for dominance. Frequently in these more highly socialized places, male dominance is displayed subtly by expensive clothes and possessions. There is an unwritten code of conduct that people must use or they will be ostracized or even be rejected or evicted.
On the other hand, in back-street bars ("low class joints"), the men often display dominance by loud, confrontational and threatening gestures, or fighting to prove their Alpha Maleness.
Historically, societies have been structured mostly with the women placed in a subservient role as wife and mother catering to her husband's and children's needs, often ignoring her own needs. The "man of the house" is a frequent term used for the husband and clearly establishes his position as Alpha Man. The house and property -- with appropriate fences or territory lines -- is definitely his to rule over as Alpha Male. There are many both written and unwritten rules for protecting his earned position as ruler of his territory and family. The similarities to animal packs can not be missed, but it has been going on for so long it seems the norm for humans, too.
